Disney's The Descendants
You just can’t beat a Disney Channel Original Movie. Every generation after the channels conception has a heap of really terrible but brilliant movies without favourite characters within it. The most famed of this is High School Musical (which, by the way, is bloody fantastic,) and Cadet Kelly (because feminism rules and this rocks), there is a collection of films that have solidified themselves in our hearts even with the amount of scorn they received. It always treated as the biggest thing too - with children flocking to the nearest Disney stores to get their jumbled up costumes (in this case, colourful rags) and the channel itself shows it around the clock (as well as also being available on DVD).
Anyway, Disney Channels are both awesome and awesome. And none of it has changed with Disney’s The Descendants (not to be confused with the Oscar winning drama!). The film revolves around ing at 16 and Beast who rule a United Kingdom of princes and princesses. In their first law is to ban all the villains to an island where they inexplicably procreate and spawn of children. Then Belle and Adam’s son is being crowned King (at fucking 16, what?), and he wants to bring the devilish kids to the great Kingdom including Maleficent’s daughter Mal, Evil Queen’s daughter Evie, Cruella De Ville’s son Carlos, and Jafar’s son Jay (because they aren’t so smart with the names). However, all the evil people hatch a plan to take over the world...
Why Is It Bad?
Well, for a start, the ridiculousness that the evil villains could conceive children after their, well, deaths makes the premise a stretch in the first place. Like one of the more famed songs, it is simply ridiculous with strained acting that perforates the film. Like many Disney Chanel movies, these are teenagers who struggle to convey any sort of emotion without wide-eyes or quivering lips. Added to the over the top plot and the acting (oh and the awful special effects), there’s also predictability. After all, we all know that they are going to be good despite their evil heritage and that Mal is going to end up with the boy. Damn, that’s not even a spoiler, it’s not as if Disney could let the bad guys win. So yes, this is absurd at it very best.
Why Is It Good?
This is absurd at its very best and, therefore, you have to watch it. It’s all the things you love and hate in equal measure but can’t bring yourself to announce it at the dinner table for fear of being judged. Fuck it, fuck them who may judge you, fuck the snobs. Because this is stupidly enjoyable, you can’t help but fall instantly in love with it. The acting may be strained but gosh, those kids are having fun. The music is pathetically catchy including the great Kristen Chenoweth bringing the house down with her vocals. And there is a sweetness to the story that will charm you and yes, you may be annoyed at loving it, but fall in love with it you shall.
Rotten to the core this film may be, but it’s worth a bite. Just…just listen to the first song….
And you’re sold!